society is a game, you play according to their rules and you get to pass go and collect 200$, if you don’t you go to jail. you wear the right clothes, speak the right language, have the right hair cut, the right skin color, the right religion and you’re well on your way to owning park place and boardwalk. after all its also not about what you know, but who you know, no one really gives a s**t about you anyways, its all about self preservation man, survival, whats best for you, what you can get from everyone else, what can you take without loss. in the end you just want to be the guy on the top of the hill with the most points, and then when you’re old and grey and your heirs have siphoned all your points and properties away or what ever cause of events has led you back to square one, you find yourself alone, surrounded maybe by family that feels obligated by relational contract to be there at your deathbed, and you die. feeling alone.
this is the matrix people, do you really want to be a part of this? live, truly live, love each other, laugh with each other, spread kindness, give of yourself without the expectation of return, cultivate relationships based on real emotion and connection rather than on benefits and what someone can get you. go and do things that make you feel alive, use money as a vehicle for freedom, not as the main objective in life, we’re here for such a short time and in our society we’re forced by need for shelter and food to deign to work for currency, but that doesn’t need to be the sole occupant of our focus, we can use the money we have to go on adventures, to live, and give, and love, and spend time with people who truly care and appreciate you and who dont care about your job, your clothes, or how much money you have in the bank, you are not your job, you are not your f***ing khakis, you ARE a beautiful and unique snowflake and i appreciate your existence god damn it! go outside, take a breath of fresh air, and do something today that makes your heart beat fast, something that scares you, something that makes you feel alive, because guess what, you ARE alive, but only for a short while, might as well make the most of it."
This is a confession: I didn’t really want to go to your birthday party.
I know that the summer sun treats you well but short sleeves and I don’t usually like each other and besides you’re always the most important person at every event and always talking to a million other people besides me and I just have to stand there and force a smile while patiently waiting the appropriate amount of time before I can make an excuse and leave so instead of being as pumped up as you were I kind of just sighed and steeled myself for another loud and awkward night
but it turned out to be pretty quiet and you and I got nicely tipsy without anyone trying to get us to chug things and we sat on your swingset and talked about the good times and you leaned your head on my shoulder and said “Thank god you came. I love everyone but they wear me out. You’re my only real friend, you know?” and I think those words got me higher than any drug ever could because I couldn’t stop smiling after.
This is a confession: I think that was the night I started to fall in love.
This is a confession: The times when I turned you down and told you I was too tired to go to the movies were usually because I’d been up all night trying to figure out what the fuck was going on in my heart because more and more often I’d find myself stuck on the idea of you as if you were a thorn except the pain was kind of good but at the same time laced with guilt I mean you were my friend and if this was just some dumb crush I could get over it and it wouldn’t even effect what we had but god forbid it got bigger inside of my chest because if it did then I was really in for trouble since that meant I could actually mess things up between us so yes every time you asked me “do you wanna hang today” the answer was always “absolutely” but half the time I had to be like “no say no give yourself time to get over this” it never really worked but I felt like a better friend.
This is a confession: I drop everything I’m supposed to hold onto tight but for some reason no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t lose my grip on you.
By the time we’d spent a year just being best friends I had figured out that maybe I just felt deeper about you than anyone else only because you were the sun to me, you were the reason that I’d be happy, you were what I was looking forwards to no matter what else I had that day so I just assumed maybe that’s what close friends do but
one day you left on vacation and for a solid two weeks I didn’t hear from you because neither of us could afford the roaming charges and those two weeks basically defined everything for me because I’d missed people before but this was nothing like that, this was as if I was missing my other half and when you came back the first and only thing I wanted was to kiss you like crazy and while we were hugging I realized just how fucked I was because my only thought was to say “I missed you, my love” and good god but in that moment did I wish we were something more than just being good friends and
This is a confession: I don’t hug you anymore because I think it’s unfair to you because it means so much more to me. I don’t jokingly say “I love you babe” because I’m afraid my voice will crack and when the words hit the air they will ring with truth. I don’t say stuff like “honey” or “sweetheart” or “darling” around you because you’ve always been able to read me like a book and maybe one of these pet names will actually show you what you mean to me.
This is a confession: I didn’t even want to go to your birthday party. I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I didn’t want to fuck this up because it’s the most important thing in my life and when I inevitably ruin it with my stupid heart and stupid crush and stupid need for you, it’s gonna break me. And last night when we were both drunk and laughing and you were lying beside me I was so close to telling you the truth that I started shaking and when later you whispered “confess something” I almost snapped like a twig into tiny pieces and instead just started laughing and made up something like “I failed my last test” but
This is my confession: I’m never gonna tell you any of this."
when i say i hate school it doesn’t mean i hate education and knowledge. it means that i hate selfish and ignorant people there. it means that i hate stress and high expectations. it means that i hate being treated like a shit. it fucking means that i hate feeling like a failure all the time.
Tad R. Callister (via grandviziertothesultanofagrabah)
God just spoke to me right here.
1. Make a playlist of all your favorite songs, old ones you may have totally forgotten about from middle school or ones that bring back good memories.
2. Take a walk outside. I find I only start to feel worse and wallow if I let myself melt into my bed and engage in the bad feelings.
3. Organize your drawers or closet. It feels good to be productive when you feel like a worthless idiot on the inside. You can look at your clean clothes and feel like a human again.
4. Eat something decadent. Make an ice cream sundae or smores. They’re not just for camping!
5. Go through your phone and delete anyone you no longer talk to or anyone who sucks and makes your life worse.
6. Draw. I have a stack of paper and some colored pencils for just such an occasion. It’s relaxing and fun and won’t stress you out.
7. Call your best friend. No one talks on the phone anymore. I hate it. Let’s all talk in voices!
8. Get some sparkly temporary tattoos and give yourself the weirdest tramp stamp ever. Or decorate your whole arm. Whatever. You know you loved it as a kid.
9. Re-read your favorite book. Highlight the passages that make you love it so much so you’ll never forget them.
10. Start watching “The Wire” or “Arrested Development,” whichever is more your speed at the moment. Indulge in some quality programming to remind yourself life is worth living and people still make good stuff.
11. Read everything you can find about your favorite sports team. If you’re not already, become an expert on the team’s history, statistics and players. It’ll take your mind off you for a while.
12. Go volunteer with animals in some way. Being around cuties and fluffies will brighten your mood, and so will helping those in need.
13. Write someone else a really nice email. Just an out-of-the-blue “thanks for being so great!” email. Why not?
14. Do some yoga poses. You can look them up online if you don’t know any. Try holding them and breathing slowly.
15. Go on Youtube and watch all the “fail” videos you can find. Be grateful you are not that person. Being you isn’t so bad!
16. Light some candles, turn off the lights and meditate for as long as you can hold it.
17. Or do the same and touch yourself. Have a little solo romance, among candles. Are you trying to seduce you?
18. Look up some family genealogy stuff on the internet. Did you know your great-great-great uncle owned a department store in Russia? Now you do! And hey, your ancestors probably had it a lot worse. Since you know, no plumbing and iPhones and stuff.
19. Futz around with your hair. Add some color or see what it would look like curly or in a beehive.
20. Do your make up. Make it look crazy or much thicker than you’d normally wear it. What would you look like as Amy Winehouse or Ke$ha? You’re in the comfort of your own home. Why not see?
21. Eat fruit. Fruit has sugars that can lift your mood. Go for the pineapple and blueberries. Or make yourself a smoothie.
22. If you have a journal, go back and read old entries. Remember all that stuff you cared about a year ago that now doesn’t matter?
23. Smile. Even if you don’t feel like it, sometimes moving the muscles in our face activates chemicals in our brains to lift our moods. Smiling when you don’t want to can actually help you feel better."